So what does it take for you to be happy? Is it something you get now and again or maybe you have days, or even weeks of being happy? Is happiness something that you have put out there in your future, something you believe you will eventually attain? Is there is magic formula that when you do this or achieve that then you will be happy?

So I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but If you believe happiness is something that awaits you in your future then you will be very disappointed, be prepared to wait a long time because it is the very idea of that thought that is keeping happiness at arms length.

Happiness is not found in the external world, it isn’t in finding that job, or the right partner or house etc. Happiness is found WITHIN you, it is a state that you already possess and know how to connect with. The problem is that we train ourselves that is it the ‘other’ things that make us happy …..NO…. Please understand this. These things help connect you to the feeling (state) of happiness within you. In other words, you don’t need these things to make you feel happy, you just believe that is what is making you happy.

I have met people who say they have never been happy, have you ever asked yourself this question or heard someone else say it? Well here is my counter to this. In order to know that you are not happy, then you must know what happiness is in order to know that you do not feel it… and I will just leave that there.

So if it resides within us how is it that we are not walking around in a permanent state of happiness?…..good question

The simple answer is that your state of being is determined by your thoughts and your beliefs. If you have a belief that you will never find happiness, or don’t deserve it or it is something that other people get or that something or someone else makes you happy then guess what…… you won’t have any control over if and when that happiness magically appears!!

So how can you start to tap into your innate happiness and learn how to rely on yourself, rather than others?

Here are 3 simple things you can do to start this process.

1. Think of a really positive memory, one that gives you that sense of happiness. Notice how the happiness feels, is it giddy, is it calming, whatever the feeling know that this is your happiness state (inside you). You can access this whenever you choose to, you don’t have to wait for something to happen before you do. This is what I call your ‘Happiness Permission Slip”.
2. Consider what you tell yourself about being happy. What are the things you say to yourself or others about your happiness. What you think and tell yourself is what your brain will deliver. It doesn’t know what is good or bad, positive or negative, it just runs the program that you ask for. So be mindful of the things you are saying to yourself. Every morning have a positive statement about feeling happy that you say to yourself (you don’t need to fully believe it right now) just say it to yourself.
3. Remind yourself every day that you have a choice about how you feel. Look you are going to get annoyed, upset, peeved off, angry etc, this is part of life and being able to experience the spectrum of emotions is what makes the good ones so worthwhile experiencing. However, don’t limit yourself to only the negative feelings, understand you have a choice to change how you feel. It doesn’t mean you change how you feel about the situation or circumstances that created the feeling, but just how you allow it to continue to affect you.

“The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently” Pema Chodron

Now the reality is that we will get caught up in the world and often feel like everything is against us and when you are stuck in this place it’s difficult to believe that happiness is something you have a choice over. I am not for one moment saying that it is easy or you will automatically shift from negative to positive, what I am saying is that it is possible to for YOU to learn to shift how you feel, it is absolutely something you have control over, but it starts with just a little belief that it is possible.

Sending you all happy thoughts.

Mary